#slowly realized that my perspective of this song

[bloodybellycomb]

Teenagers by my chemical romance is the most relatable song of all time because when you first listen to it as a teenager you're like "hell yes! I do scare the shit out of everyone! 😈" But than you become an adult and you suddenly realize that "oh my god, teenagers really do scare the shit out of me." Truly an anthem for all ages.

[demonic0angel]

Celestial Bodies AU (part 4/?)

(Part one, part two, part three, part five, part six, part seven. Also on AO3)

Dick paused, tilting his head.

He was on a spacecraft near Tamaran, watching his star through a live feed on his tablet. His friends sat around him, some watching the cluster alongside him over his shoulder. Kory was behind him, encasing him in her arms.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

Dick frowned. “I don’t know. Something is really, really wrong.”

Kory grew quiet again, listening to the song of the stars. It was loud and fast paced, almost frantic. Behind the song, if Dick concentrated enough, he could also hear… screaming.

He almost didn’t know if it was real or not, but it had gone on for a few hours, so he wasn’t sure.

The song covering it was almost like that of a mother singing a lullaby to quickly comfort their child. The stars seemed frantic as they sang, but visually, they didn’t look any different from usual.

His star and all of the others were slow today. They seemed to be circling their sister, the quasar, who looked smaller than usual as well.

Most of the time, her enormous size almost dwarfed her siblings. Her rings of light were so wide that she made her baby siblings look like marbles and even his own star occasionally struggled to be noticed within her glow.

But now, she was still and her size seemed small, even small compared to the protostar. Her accretion disks were pale and her jet was thin and weak.

Was she the one screaming?

But why?

Dick mumbled to himself in confusion, "What's going on—?"

Light flashed across the screen and then she went supernova.

The shockwaves impacted the spacecraft hard, hard enough that the camera shook and blurred the view. The ship rocked and creaked with a screeching noise so loudly that it could be heard through the screen.

For a moment, Dick was excited as he perked up and waited for the dust to settle so he could see into the cluster.

But his stomach dropped when he looked out the camera again and saw nothing but only three stars in various forms of their lives.

No, surely, his eyes were wrong.

One, two, three.

Where was the quasar?

He futilely tilted the screen, as if it would somehow change the perspective of the camera and reveal the quasar hiding behind her siblings.

"No... no! No, no, no! Why is there only three?! Where did she go?!"

"Dick! What has happened? What does that mean?" Kory asked as the Teen Titans crowded around him. Even the others who had been distracted doing something else turned to look at him. The ones close to him all surrounded him with reassuring and comforting presences, trying to calm him down as Dick descended into hysterics.

Dick hurriedly pressed on the buttons, trying to change the camera, get different perspectives, hopefully see something new and not what he was beginning to realize was true. He hoped and prayed that maybe the quasar had turned into something else. A small star, maybe a dwarf.

Anything.

Anything but gone.

“No, no, no! Did any of you see anything?!” He turned to his teammates, who stared at him with horror and worry.

Raven said slowly, “No. We didn’t see anything except for the quasar going supernova.”

“That quasar was Jason’s! And both of our stars are linked to us— when I became Nightwing, my star also went supernova when I grew up. But Jason’s star is gone!” When he saw that his teammates didn’t seem to comprehend what he was saying, he said, “Our stars are connected to us. If the quasar is gone, then that means that…!”

He didn’t want to say it.

His teammates’ eyes widened. They were slowly beginning to understand.

Kory covered her mouth. “Dick…! What does this mean? Are you suggesting that—?”

Vic stood up hurriedly. “I’ll go to the computer, and look into it right now.”

Gar quickly hurried to follow Vic to the main computer while Dick crumpled to his knees with a sob. Kory caught him and the two of them fell onto the floor as she hugged him securely. He clutched back at her just as desperately, but his eyes could not help but look at the camera feed again, where the galaxy had frozen in place.

He didn’t know why they weren’t moving, perhaps a mixture of shock and grief? Maybe some sort of astrophysics reason, since the quasar’s gravitational pull was the one who was mainly holding the little galaxy together when Dick’s star changed. Maybe some weird way of star mourning. Maybe it was nothing, and Dick was going crazy because surely, surely, his little brother was not dead.

His little brother who he had not appreciated enough.

He clutched his eyes shut and forcefully turned away from the Phantom Cluster to bury his face into Kory’s neck. He felt other hands on his shoulders and arms and back, just comforting presences and sources of warmth.

He barely held back from tearing up, praying that Vic would come back with better news. That maybe there was a misunderstanding.

Anything.

Footsteps skittered into the room and everyone looked up.

Gar stared at them with wide eyes. He visibly gulped and then looked at Dick as his blood ran cold.

“I’m sorry.”

Jason Todd, the second Robin, was dead.

————

It took Dick a week before he could go back home. Every day, he just stared at the stars, at the little galaxy where his star sat in silence. There was no more singing, no more chatter, nothing that showed that the stars and planets that inhabited that strange galaxy were sentient besides their still positions in space.

Kory held him every night as Dick mourned for a little brother he did not really know.

And every day, he waited for a call from Batman. A notification, a message, a fucking telepathic signal, anything.

Nothing came.

Dick’s panicking and crying faded by the fourth day and he grew wane from the lack of communication between him and Bruce. For a moment, he almost wanted to go back to Earth straight away just to tear Bruce a new one, but his duties kept him away.

He checked on the camera feed of his star, but it showed nothing. Like him, the stars seemed to also cry for their lost sibling.

Inwardly, Dick was immensely guilty for how grateful he felt for the fact that the quasar also died, uniting him and his star in grief. He wished that the emotions inside of him couldn’t be known by his star, but he had seen what had happened when bad people had met the cluster, and he knew that they were probably aware of his feelings.

He was also grateful that his star did not abandon him despite his inner ugliness.

When he got back, he was met with Danny’s callous and cold remarks about Jason’s death. He had promptly thrown him out and then visited Jason’s grave.

Jason Todd

Rest In Peace.

A cold, emotionless, apathetic tombstone. There was nothing else, no anecdote, no notes, nothing. Dick drew comfort from Kory again and then he went to hunt down Bruce.

That didn’t go well either.

Months passed.

The hurt did not ease and every waking moment when he could, Dick spent at least a few minutes with his star. They were still silent, but as time passed, the cluster began to move again, around and around an empty space that was clearly meant for their sister.

Oh, how strange it was to see stars mourn and grieve just like how humans did.

(Sometimes, they were still so human-like that it was terrifying.)

Dick sat with his star in the control room, watching the celestial bodies whirl around in space in subdued, quiet circles. The singing did not start again, but it was okay. Sometimes, his star spoke to him when he got too worried.

At other times, the one who spoke to him was the King of the cluster, the neutron star who protected his cluster with his remaining light even while he was only a star corpse, that fed his siblings with his supernova remnants, the one who was a hero, just like Robin, when he was still alive and human.

The interstellar medium left behind by their quasar sister was ignored, floating in space in purple, pink, red, and blue hues.

Dick wondered if Robin was reborn as a star somewhere out there.

But then thinking of his star and this cluster, it probably wasn't likely.

They were extremely possessive. If Jason was reborn as a star, he would've been collected and brought here.

(But that meant he was truly gone forever.)

Dick felt like the grief would never disappear.

But just like these stars, the world kept moving.

A boy forced Bruce to take him on as Robin. To help him with his grief. To help him save Gotham. To help him become his best and truest version of Batman again.

Dick disagreed but he knew that the kid wouldn't be obedient. He stepped in to help Bruce train him, so another child wouldn't be sacrificed to Batman's cause.

Dick couldn't have another death on his hands. In order to make things right, he had to train him.

How many more children would be picked up and trained and discarded like him?

(Like Jason?)

How many until Bruce had enough?

Dick was back in the space station again. The cluster was a little more energetic today. His star was spinning around the empty spot again, with his brother and sister following them. The two larger planets, the ones that were considered part of the family of stars, were also excitedly spinning around the stars.

Dick tapped the glass. "My star? What's going on today?"

There was only a crackling silence. It was almost eerie without the singing, but Dick had gotten used to it.

Suddenly, the nebula that had been left behind began to converge.

Dick froze as he watched the glittering star material contort and bend into one spot. There was a small flash of light, then several, and then a burst of sparks appeared before a black mass was formed in the middle of the empty space. It was relatively small at first, but then it grew until it was bigger than the neutron star and protostar, only dwarfed by Dick’s own star.

All of the astronomical objects then began to spin with wild energy. The neutron star himself spun into a pulsar, casting rays of cold electromagnetic energy every time the light passed through the windows.

Dick's jaw dropped as he stared out the window in slow-growing recognition as the black mass stayed still and quiet, as if asleep.

Both Dick and his star spoke up at the same time then, one with relieved happiness and the other with shocked disbelief.

"She's back."

"He's alive!"

|||||||||||||||||||||||

Me: Ah yes my wholesome space themed series

Also me: *kills Jason and Jazz*

Was looking up what Dick’s reaction was to Jason’s death and why did I discover a character named Danny Chase who becomes someone named Phantasm… 🤨 he was such a little asshole too jfc. Also! Please suspend your disbelief on how Dick finds out so fast (since Batman wouldn’t have been able to put it in the computer that fast). Time and computer works differently in space… or something

I almost left this as a fic with Dick mourning for Jason, but I decided to make it a somewhat happy ending with Jazz coming back as well.

You also might have noticed that I use the word “cluster” now instead of “galaxy” and that’s bc I always refer to Danny’s star cluster as “little” and clusters are smaller versions of galaxies.

I’m learning as I go 😭

The Robins and Phantoms are in a codependent and mutualistic relationship. Usually, whatever happens to the Robins will also affect the stars they bonded with, but the reverse won’t happen bc the Phantoms are extremely protective of them and (also extremely protected by Clockwork). I’m doing as much research as I can in order to make the DCU characters’ lives accurate.

I can't wait for Damian to arrive, I want to get into Sam and her planet already

Edit: omg I think I switched Garth (Aqualad) and Gar (Beast Boy)

[blahblahblees]

Hey there!!!

This is my first time requesting on Tumblr and I am not sure if you're accepting requests or not so if you aren't feel free to ignore it.

Can you please write a short drabble on Rodrick and the reader being neighbours and the reader liking him but not telling him because he likes Heather. And then everything happening at rodrick's party.

And all the drama can go according to your imagination!

I am sorry for my bad English.

Have a good day/night/evening/afternoon.

Thank you.

ヽ｀、☁ヽ｀─── make you mine ミ rodrick heffley

✎ ·˚ ༘ ─── reader has a crush on rodrick but his eyes seemed to be locked on heather hills, but when greg takes notice of rodrick’s lyrics, his perspective begins to change.

wc: 1,333

movie!rodrick heffley x fem!reader (use of she/her pronouns), the use of y/n (your name)

tw: kissing (?)

a/n: your english is wonderful :)

HEATHER HILLS. The way her name rolled off of the tongue made her seethed in ways she couldn’t explain. It wasn’t because she was jealous of her, she knew that Heather Hills was gorgeous, but she (herself) was also just as beautiful. She liked her hair, she liked her body, she liked her style, and she liked Rodrick Heffley.

But his eyes seemed to be locked on Heather Hills. He always talked about her long blonde hair and how her outfits just perfectly fit her. It was Heather Hills this and Heather Hills that… but she let him go on about her.

It was an awful thing to do to herself, but here she was, once again, sitting with him in his dining room as he explained his plan to her.

His band, Löded Diper, had somehow convinced Heather to perform at her birthday party. She didn't know how they convinced her to let them play or even why for that matter, but it was good enough for Rodrick.

Her eyes watched as Rodrick scribbled down songs for them to potentially play at her party along with some newer lyrics that would "tell her how much he loved her", which she didn't quite understand. Rodrick hadn't really known Heather for long, quite literally meeting her at school when he was picking up Greg.

"... So, what do you think?"

She looked up from Rodrick's notebook and towards him. She was so in her own mind that she hadn't realized that he'd been speaking to her.

"I'm sorry." She muttered. "What did you say?"

"I asked if the hook should be changed so it fits for the party..." He answered. "Are you listening?"

"Yeah... yeah." She answered, sitting upright in her seat. "Sorry." She apologized once more and quickly gathered her belongings.

"What's wrong?" Rodrick asked, his brows furrowed by her sudden movements. "Where are you going?"

"I should head home." She said. "My mom is expecting me soon and I have to help her with dinner tonight."

Rodrick nodded, slowly standing up and following the girl to the front door. "I'll see you at Heather's party tomorrow, right?"

She closed her eyes for a moment before turning, her hand resting on the doorknob as she looked at him. She really didn't want to go to Heather's party and had planned on it, in fact, she was pretty sure it was an invite-only party and she hadn't gotten an invitation from the girl.

But she was pretty sure that Rodrick was going to find a way for her to get inside, invite or not.

So, she took in a small breath and nodded. "See you there."

With that, she quickly shut the door behind her and headed towards her car, and sped out of the Heffley driveway.

"I can't believe some of the stuff you write in here."

Rodrick quickly turned at the sound of the voice. It was Greg. He was standing at the dining room table with his eyes locked on Rodrick's songbook.

"Is this what being in love is like for you?" Greg asked. "If so, she just went out the door without a kiss goodbye."

Rodrick quickly marched over towards him and grabbed the book before he quickly hit Greg with it. "What are you talking about, dork?"

Greg muttered something under his breath, rubbing his arm in the process. "That stuff... that stuff you call music. That's about Y/N, isn't it?"

"What?" Rodrick scoffed. "No. This is for Heather's birthday tomorrow."

"You're going to sing a love song to another girl at Heather's birthday party?" Greg chuckled. "Are you crazy?"

"You're going to be crazy dead if you don't shut up." Rodrick barked and held his book in the air once more, prepared to hit Greg with it, but the younger boy quickly ran off before anything else could happen.

Rodrick heavily sighed and sat back down at the table. He flipped his book open and tapped back and forth against the table as he went over the lyrics once more, just to make sure everything was perfect for...

But the more he looked at his lyrics, the more and more that he imagined her… he only saw her.

With a heavier sigh, he shut his songbook and slumped down into his seat, rubbing his hands over his face before stopping halfway and sitting up quickly.

He knew what he had to do.

HEATHER’S PARTY was in full swing.

People had been partying for quite some time before she arrived. She obviously wasn’t going to upstage Heather, she didn’t think that was possible with how outlandish Heather’s party had been, but still, she chose to dress up for the party and stay until Rodrick’s band called it for the night, which may take hours at the rate this party was going.

But as soon as Rodrick set eyes on her, he sat his guitar down and told his band to just go with the flow until he got back.

He took in a deep breath, and gently shook his hands to bring himself some comfort. He titled his head side to side before finally reaching her side by the punch bowl.

“You made it.” Rodrick smiled.

She turned at the sound of his voice and nodded, taking a small sip from her drink. “Yeah, of course.” She smiled. “Couldn’t miss the best band play their biggest gig.”

Rodrick smiled at her words, whether or not she meant what she said didn’t matter. She said them to make him feel good, to bring him comfort over the fact that he was about to tell Heather Hills that he liked her.

Or so she thought.

“Did I miss your love bomb to Heather?” She asked.

And she really hoped she had.

“Uh, not quite, no.”

She furrowed her brows at his response. “Everything okay?”

Rodrick's heart was racing as he looked at her. He knew he needed to tell her how he felt; he just didn't know how. But as he looked into her eyes, he found himself lost for words. All he wanted to do was kiss her.

Without warning, he leaned in and captured her lips with his own. It was a soft, gentle kiss, but it was filled with all the emotion he had been trying to hide from her.

When they pulled apart, he could see the surprise in her eyes. "I'm sorry," he said quickly.

She blinked. “You’re- You’re sorry? What- What-“ She stammered, her face growing red as she flustered her words. “What about Heather?”

“I don’t think- It was never Heather was into.” He said. “I mean, yeah, she’s hot, but she doesn’t make me feel the way I do when I’m with you. All those songs I was writing were never about her.”

As Rodrick spoke, she could feel her heart racing. Did he really just say what she thought he said? Could it be possible that he liked her as much as she liked him?

"Really?" she asked, her voice soft.

He nodded. "Really.”

Without hesitation, she leaned in and captured his lips with her own. It was a deep, passionate kiss, filled with all the emotions they had been holding back for so long. Her body melted into his as their lips moved in perfect harmony, each kiss taking them deeper and deeper into the moment.

When they finally pulled away, they were left breathless and dizzy with desire. She looked up at him with a shy smile, her heart beating like a drum in her chest.

"I've loved you for so long," she said softly.

"I know," he replied, cupping her face in his hands. "I've loved you too, but I didn't have the courage to tell you until now."

She leaned into him, her head resting against his chest. "I'm so glad you did," she whispered.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close.

This would be the only time that Rodrick would be thankful of Greg.

— lucy has something to say !!

i think i’m gonna start using you and yours again lol

but regardless, my request are opened! check out my rules and such before requesting and check out my masterlist to see who i write for!

[yuamusuzuran]

Damn.... so, Sinsmas and final episode of Helluva S2 is out AND I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS!

But most importantly, I wanna talk about Via!

Even though this episode was packed with a bit of everything and I loved every second of it, I couldn't help but focus on Via-Stolas plot the most.

But before I dive deeper, let me say this:

Even though their final moment was painful, especially for Stolas, it represents a significant change and possible start of progress in their relationship.

Aside from her song being an absolute 2000-s teen rock banger, Via doing a repraise on Stolas' lullaby was so impactful, mostly because she's telling herself and us as audience that she has grown up a lot and is seeing things from different perspective.

And even though she's still very much hurt that Stolas chose Blitz over her, the conflict in her feelings is so well-portrayed in my opinion, especially when she asks these two questions:

During her song and while looking through her dad's stuff, she had many realizations. Realized her dad was struggling a lot, to the point he was taking anti-depressants on the daily, but we still see how young she is and how important her dad's attention still is to her.

So, now we have this 17-year old who had realized her father stayed in an loveless marriage because of her and does feel some sort of relief about him finally "doing what he wants"....

But she's also hurt that her dad still, in her opinion, didn't consider her important enough to choose "her over Blitz".

These are heavy and conflicting feeling she's dealing with, guilt over "holding Stolas down" while also being angry and disappointed that she wasn't "important enough to him to stay by her side"

However, I will remain adamant about one thing:

Via does not, or will ever, hate Stolas.

She is very disappointed, hurt and angry, and has every right to be, but her perspective is slowly changing. She is still a very young girl who needs support and love of her parents, but is slowly realizing how strong she is on her own, just as her dad was telling her in his lullaby.

We have a lot to go through with these two in the next 30 episodes of the show.

Octavia still doesn't have the full picture nor does she realize the full scale of Stella's abusw towards Stolas, which I think will change her opinion even more. But developing her arc to forgive him will take a long, long time. Because, when a parent hurts you or disappoints you, its a wound that doesn't heal easily.

As for Stolas, he still has to come to terms about how much his life has changed. All of his buried emotions, good and bad, are coming out, and he still has a long way to go in his healing and acceptance of who he really is and wants to be.

But the most important thing for him is to realize that Via doesn't actually hate him.

Boy.... this show is amazing. Loved every second of this episode and this whole situation and setup for season 3 will pick my brain until the next full episode comes out.

Happy holidays everyone, and merry Sinsmas!

[luckymilkshakerebel]

Hold my hand

Genre: Fluft , han perspective

Cast : Han x female reader

Song inspired: Han - Hold My Hand

---

Han Jisung leaned back in his chair, staring at the blank page in front of him. His studio, usually a place where melodies and lyrics seemed to flow effortlessly, felt unusually quiet. The sound of rain tapping against the window was the only thing keeping him company tonight. It wasn’t the first time he struggled to write, but this time, it wasn’t because of writer’s block.

It was because of her.

Jisung met Y/n three months ago. It had been a chance encounter in a small, dimly lit café tucked away from the bustling streets of Seoul. He had been there to unwind after a long day of rehearsals, his oversized hoodie and cap doing little to hide his identity. Y/n had been working behind the counter, her smile polite but distant.

At first, Y/n had been just another face in the crowd. But something about Y/n caught his attention—the way Y/n smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, how Y/n lingered by the window after her shift, staring at the world outside as if it were miles away. He couldn’t help but wonder what kind of pain Y/n was carrying.

It wasn’t until one late evening, when he was the only customer left, that he found out.

“Long day?” Y/n asked, setting down his usual order of black coffee.

He nodded. “You could say that. What about you? You seem like you’ve had your fair share of long days.”

Y/n hesitated, her fingers tightening around the tray she held. For a moment, Jisung thought Y/n would brush off the question with a practiced smile. But then, to his surprise, Y/n sat down across from him.

“I don’t usually talk about this,” Y/n began, her voice barely above a whisper. “But… it’s been hard. My mom’s sick, and I’ve been trying to juggle work and taking care of her. It feels like I’m always running, but I’m never getting anywhere.”

Her confession hung in the air, raw and unfiltered. Jisung didn’t know what to say, so he did the only thing he could—he listened. And as Y/n poured out her worries, he realized something: her pain was familiar. It reminded him of the times he had felt lost, unsure of how to move forward.

That night, as he walked back to the dorm, her words lingered in his mind. He wanted to help her, to take away even a fraction of the weight she carried. But how?

The answer came to him as he sat in his studio, staring at the blank page. Music had always been his way of expressing what he couldn’t say aloud. Maybe, just maybe, he could write something for her.

Weeks passed, and Jisung found himself visiting the café more often. Each time, he learned a little more about Y/n—how she loved rainy days because they made the world feel quieter, how she used to dream of being a painter before life got in the way. Slowly, he began to weave her story into his song.

The first draft was rough, the melody shaky, but it held a promise: that no matter how heavy her burdens felt, Y/n wasn’t alone.

One evening, as he worked on the lyrics, a notification lit up his phone. It was a message from Y/n.

“Hey, are you free tomorrow? I could use some company.”

He smiled, typing back a quick reply.

“Of course. Same place?”

The next day, they sat by the window, the rain drizzling softly outside. Y/n seemed lighter, her usual tiredness replaced with a faint glow.

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” Y/n said, stirring her tea. “Why do you keep coming here? Don’t you have a million other places you could go?”

Jisung chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. “Maybe. But this place feels different. And… I guess I like talking to you.”

Her cheeks flushed slightly, and she looked down at her cup. “I’m not exactly the best company these days.”

“You don’t have to be,” he said softly. “Sometimes, it’s enough just to be yourself.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, watching the rain streak the glass. Jisung thought about telling her about the song, but he decided to wait. He wanted it to be perfect.

A month later, the song was ready. Titled “Hold My Hand,” it was a heartfelt ballad that carried every ounce of emotion he had poured into it. The lyrics spoke of resilience, of standing by someone’s side through the storms of life.

He didn’t tell Y/n he had written it for her. Instead, he invited her to one of Stray Kids’ upcoming concerts, where they would be performing live.

“I don’t know,” Y/n said when he handed her the ticket. “I’m not really into big crowds.”

“Just this once,” he urged. “I promise it’ll be worth it.”

Reluctantly, Y/n agreed.

The night of the event, Jisung scanned the crowd, searching for her face. When he finally spotted her near the back, he felt a surge of nervousness. This was it—the moment he had been working toward.

As the stage lights dimmed, he stepped forward, microphone in hand. The opening notes of “Hold My Hand” filled the venue, soft and haunting.

His voice carried through the room, steady and raw:

"Every time I see you cry, I felt like drowning in the dark

You said it’s fine but no I’m not."

Y/n froze, her breath catching in her throat. The lyrics were achingly familiar, as if they had been pulled straight from her own heart.

"’Cause all I want is you, not your tears

nunmuri mareul ttaekkaji

I wanna make you the happiest one, no fear

So baby, hold my hand now"

By the time the song ended, tears streamed down her face. But for the first time in a long while, they weren’t tears of sadness. They were tears of gratitude, of hope.

After the performance, Jisung found her outside the venue. Y/n was waiting for him, her hands trembling as Y/n wiped her eyes.

“That song…” Y/n began, her voice breaking. “You wrote it for me, didn’t you?”

He nodded, a shy smile tugging at his lips. “I wanted you to know you’re not alone. No matter how hard things get, I’ll be here. So… take my hand, okay?”

For a moment, Y/n said nothing. Then, she reached out, her fingers curling around his.

“Okay,” Y/n whispered.

And in that moment, under the soft glow of the streetlights, Jisung knew he had done what he set out to do. He had given her hope. And together, they would face whatever came next.

Want to read more you can go to my MASTERLIST

[johntayjinf]

very serene theme that's been stuck in my mind ever since i first heard it

yk, one thing i've slowly come to internalize is that, once you share your art with the world, it's no longer just yours; it's for everyone.

sounds a bit stupid because realistically speaking i still am responsible for arranging and/or writing the songs that i release... but i think people should be free to interpret art however they like, bad or not. you can obviously tell whether or not people interpret a piece of art in bad faith, but i don't think that stops the fact that people are allowed to think what they do.

there have been times where i've tried to change people's minds on why i make specific stylistic choices, but i really should acknowledge that people will interpret it based on their own knowledge and experiences. i feel like i should bring this up because sometimes people don't necessarily see the true intent i want to convey or deliver in a song or my other artistic works, and that's probably for the best. maybe there simply isn't a definitive answer as to what something would truly mean, especially for something so abstract.

people should be allowed to create their own meaning out of the feelings they get from something, though obviously it would be much more appreciated if subjects were handled with more nuance and maturity. people can find their own happiness in their own ways. it's a hard concept to fully grasp, but when you actually slow down and look around... you'll realize that, that minor form of self-expression is a very beautiful thing.

i wrote all that down because this song really just, reminded me about how a song as beautifully written as this one exists in our reality. i personally have never fully played through any pokemon game, so playing gold/ silver/ crystal is out of the question. gameplay just never clicked with me, sorry.

but the thing about this song... or , well, the heartgold/ soulsilver arrange of this song just reminded me of a lot of the beauty in life, despite my suffering.

it's hard for me to have a long-distance relationship, but i am just about as happy as my boyfriend is for us forming a meaningful bond together. his opinions may come off as wacky and kooky and he may be a bit absent-minded; but deep down, i know he really cares a lot about the things he talks about. i've told him many times how unbearable it was watching him squabble with other people about their own opinions, but i still love him regardless. there are times when we respectfully disagree on things so it isn't so grim as i've written it out to be.

i just wished that people would take video games as an art form much more seriously, and when i came to talk to him about it, he agrees with me but simply says he can't do a lot to help the situation; i very much understand that. sometimes we all just have different opinions on things and while that may warrant unwanted conflicts, that's entirely fine.

i like to imagine national park as like, a place that people regularly go to in this universe (no i do not know what part of the pokemon world this is). i like to believe that we'd see different kinds of people here, thus the arrangement reflecting that fact added up with the commentary. you'd never know what you'd learn from other people. the more i appreciate people's perspectives, maybe the more happier i am. like with my boyfriend.

[pinkslipxox]

hi, can you write about billie giving her first interview after their first daughter is born.

baby is 6 months and it’s Billie’s first time travelling after she was born. she talks a little about being a mom, how she thought she wouldn’t even perform again, once she felt so fulfilled by maternity. and then baby and mommy sent billie a message

thank you, i adore your writing

hi my love! yes, I hope you like it! And thank you so much 🤗🙈

——————————————————————————

The bright studio lights cast a gentle glow over the set as Billie settled into a plush armchair for her interview. She was looking radiant, her signature style softened by the warmth of new motherhood. As the host kicked off the segment, the ambiance was relaxed, and Billie’s playful spirit shone through, drawing laughs from the audience with her witty remarks.

As they transitioned to the topic of family, the host leaned in with an inviting smile, asking, “Billie, you’ve recently become a mother. How has that changed your perspective on life and music?”

Billie’s eyes sparkled, a hint of emotion flickering across her face. “Honestly, I never thought I’d be this fulfilled,” she began, her voice softening. “Emma, my little girl… she’s like a dream come true. I thought I might even stop performing for a while because just being her mom feels like enough, you know?”

The audience watched intently as she spoke about her daughter, her passion evident. Billie continued, “Y/N and I talked about it a lot. I was scared that maybe I wouldn’t want to tour anymore, but then I realized that it’s not so much about the music as it is about the connection. I just… I really love being a mom.”

As she shared stories of 6-month-old Emma, Billie’s voice began to tremble slightly when she mentioned her wife. “And Y/N, oh my God. She’s the best partner I could ever ask for. She’s so supportive and loving… I can’t even express how much of a rock she is for both me and Emma.”

Billie paused for a moment, blinking back tears. “It’s like, I always thought love was deep, but then you become a parent, and it’s a whole new level. Just seeing Y/N with Emma, it just melts my heart.”

The host grinned, undoubtedly charmed by the authenticity radiating from Billie. “It’s clear you’re balancing both worlds beautifully. Any plans for new music?”

“Slowly, but I think I’ve got some little ideas brewing.” Billie replied, her expression shifting to a playful smirk. “I’ll probably end up writing songs about diaper changes or sleepy nights instead of heartbreak at this point!” The audience erupted with laughter, lightening the emotional ambiance.

Once the interview wrapped up, Billie stepped off the set and let out a breath she'd been holding. The raw moments she'd shared had left her feeling a bit vulnerable but also incredibly empowered. Being a mother had filled a part of her life she hadn’t realized was so essential.

As she walked to her trailer, her phone buzzed with a new message. She instinctively smiled, her heart leaping in anticipation as she opened it. The screen lit up with a picture from Y/N, showcasing their adorable daughter Emma, a little sunshine in her precious onesie, flashing a gummy smile that could melt anyone’s heart.

Next to Emma, Y/N looked radiant, holding their baby tightly, her smile unmistakable. The way her eyes sparkled with joy warmed Billie’s heart, reminding her of why she cherished their little family so deeply.

Accompanying the photo was Y/N’s sweet message: “We’re so proud of you today. Emma can’t wait to hear about your interview! You are so strong and so loved. Come home soon, mama ❤️.”

Billie’s heart swelled as she read Y/N’s words. She could already imagine Emma reaching her tiny hands toward Billie when she walked through the door, and the thought brought tears to her eyes yet again—happy tears.

She quickly typed her response, her fingers moving with love. “I love you both so much! Can’t wait to hold you both in my arms. You’re my everything 😍.”

With a beaming smile and a heart full of love, Billie leaned back against her trailer wall. The short glimpse of her family and the powerful connection they shared grounded her in the midst of her whirlwind life. Music was part of who she was, but that love—her family—was the soul of it all, and it fueled her in a way she never imagined possible.

[chaosandwolves]

Ok, so

Ep 07x04 - Buck, bothered and bewildered

Possibly referring to the song

Bewitched, Bothered, And Bewildered by Ella Fitzgerald

Some lyrics:

Men are not a new sensation I've done pretty well I think But this half-pint imitation Put me on the blink

Lost my heart, but what of it He is cold I agree He can laugh, but I love it Although the laugh's on me

He's a fool and don't I know it But a fool can have his charms I'm in love and don't I show it Like a babe in arms

Love's the same old sad sensation Lately I've not slept a wink Since this half-pint imitation Put me on the blink

But I'm like sweet seventeen a lot

"Couldn't eat, was dyspeptic

Life was so hard to bear

Now my heart's antiseptic

Since you moved out of there

Romance, finis, your chance, finis

So this ep will be focused on Buck

We know he's - yet again- on a self discovery journey but - hopefully- finally reaching the turning point

This whole song is very much Buck like... "lost my heart but what for", "Love's the same old sad sensation", "but I'm like sweet 17 a lot"

That's one side of it

The other is being stunned and revived by someone

I'm wondering if he maybe has a bi re-awakening

Some guy he absolutely crushes on and only then does he realize that... Actually if I can have sex with guys, why not have a relationship with them... Maybe this will change something...

And he finally, very slowly, starts to realize something

Or

It's all just about Natalia and him realizing that it's not it and he was just a little bit bewitched

Cause the "bewitched" is missing in the title and that means that he's not anymore but now he's

Bothered - cause he fell into the same pattern like always

Bewildered - cause something is dawning on him

Still choosing a song with the line "Men are not a new sensation" is WILD

-

Episode 7x05 - You don't know me

Possibly referring to the song

You Don't Know Me by Ray Charles

To you, I'm just a friend That's all I've ever been No, you don't know me

I never knew the art of making love Though, my heart aches with love for you, yeah I'm afraid and shy, I let my chance go by A chance that you might love me too

You give your hand to me, and then, you say goodbye And then, I watched you walk away beside the lucky guy I know you'll never know the one who loved you so No, you don't know me

I mean this screams Eddie pov

If Buck does have a bi thing going on...

Eddie would possibly be like... Oh so it would've been a possibility after all?

But now I'm too late

And he obviously only ever saw me as a friend

I pray to all the TV gods this will result in a talk with either Karen or Maddie

Cause even though we all agree the man has already realized his feelings for Buck

If there was a bi thing... that would change his perspective

But he'd also be afraid

Thus a talk with either a competent queer person (who is not the 118) or someone who knows a side of Buck he doesn't and knows if that could actually still be a real possibility

But honestly that's just what I wish for myself here

Anyway

I think though that watching Buck with Natalia, it makes Eddie's heart ache and Marisol will just be another Ana... Just a way to do what's expected of him, what's right, what seems good

But also I feel the "You don't know me" directly relates to the "She sees me"

So I feel... Maybe something happens and - like always- Eddie is there and giving Buck exactly what he needs cause he knows and sees Buck

Maybe Buck makes a queer related joke... Something along the lines of...

Haha wouldn't it be easier if you liked guys, we could just date each other!...

and Eddie answers "I'm afraid, you don't know me that well"

Ok I'm venturing into fic inspo now

But I think the contrast of these two songs is so interesting and the way they relate to Buddie SO HARD

And I will not stop talking about that god damn "Men are not a new sensation" line

Anyways we all didn't want to clown again but I'm afraid the clown train is boarded and rolling and it's a party

[spectraltenkai]

"He may be rather introverted and keeps others at an arm's length, but we all know that- deep down- he cares. Although he has a hard time expressing it, he's got a big heart and prefers actions over words. Shadows also tend to be the strongest where the light is brightest, and even if that light was extinguished years ago, he still lives and learns, protecting others as per her promise."

Songs: Live and Learn (Eurobeat Remix) Supporting Me (Original) I Am... All of Me (Original)

Oh and here is Shadow: Dark Beginnings in case if you haven't watched it all!

HAPPY SHADOW GENERATIONS RELEASE DAY! I will not be posting any spoilers relating to it without proper warnings as a heads up, but it could also be a while before I get to drawing stuff from this game. On another note, I got every single other pic done in advance and spent the remaining time (up until this got posted) working slowly but surely on this pic! More rambles under the cut btw-

I really wanted to go all out for Shadow, given how he was one of my favorite characters from childhood. He's impacted what kind of characters I tend to gravitate to without even realizing it up until some time ago-- makes me laugh but in a good way. Ever since playing Shadow the Hedgehog 2005 for myself and watching other older games he's appeared in, it's definitely safe to say he's a huge favorite of mine, given how much development he's gone through over the years. Heck, t's been such a long time since I've felt this immense amount of hype.

With this piece, I worried about it being too cluttered, so there was some experimentation done on this one; mostly for the background. Seems as though I don't draw Shadow enough though, as he's definitely more fun to sketch than I realized. I also tried including a few of his doom powers which were showcased in the trailer, so I hope it looks good! Some perspectives were also tricky, but I thank a few friends of mine with help in the early sketching stages on this. Absolutely proud of how this piece came out, and may everyone have a great time with Generations!

[dukeswonderousmenagerie]

More Arcane stuff

Have had the new TOP song on repeat all day and something just hit me about it

Little heartbreaking tidbit someone mentioned is the fact that if judging by the lyrics, this song is essentially Viktor saying goodbye to Jayce, possibly hoping he’ll understand and forgive him before he ultimately changes forever Which generally we all kinda got that vibe from the song anyways, its basically highlighting that Viktor possibly does know now that he's fucked up but its more of a "to far to go back situation" especially given the face he's essentially brainwashed at this point

But someone else pointed out one of the lyrics-

"I can feel the light shine on my face“ Hurts just a little more when you realize that at certain times when it’s sung, depending on how you hear it, it sounds like he’s saying “Jayce” instead of “face”

“I can feel the light shine on my Jayce“

My Jayce

MY JAYCE

which hurts even MORE when you put this line into perspective

“My body's on the line now Pull the blanket tight now I can feel the light shine on my Jayce

Did I disappoint you? Will they still let me over If I cross the line?" "Affection kept us together" My fucking ass XD Even so far gone and slowly loosing his emotions with every major SHIT he goes through, Viktor does still care about Jayce a lot more then he believes he now does. . . Even though now might be just too late

[brainrotbabe24]

Can I request Thorins company meeting readers family? And bonus if most of the family doesnt speak Common tongue/English so reader has to be the translator (story of my life)😭😭

Hi! I love this idea...i would be so nervous to bring any of them home lol!

I would also like to thank my friend who helped me. She gave me her perspective with translating and the language barrier she has! 💖

Balin: Balin being a traditional dwarf, would want to meet your family as soon as you both decided to start seeing each other. He'd make an effort to show his intentions by inviting them to a nice dinner. I imagine he knows a little bit about your family, so every evening after work, he’d stay up to learn the language. 

Dwalin: Dwalin wouldn't meet your family until later in the relationship, specifically when you asked him to come over and help do a few chores. He’d put on his work shoes and be over in a matter of seconds. Realizing there was a language barrier, he’d ask you to translate what they needed help with. Initially, your family would be unsure, finding his tattoos and demeanor intimidating. They would say, “Why is he so quiet?” “Does he ever smile?” However, after seeing his devotion and how happy he made you, they’d slowly change their minds. He would regularly ask to come back and help, whether it was washing clothes, rebuilding a fence, or even helping put the baby to sleep. Comments about him would turn positive: “Look how strong he is,” “He is wonderful with kids,” “Does he have a brother? *wink wink*”

Óin: Oin would want to match outfits. He is such an old man! He would want to make sure you both looked presentable and would spend extra time on his braids and yours. It would honestly be so cute!!! 

Glóin: Gloin would be incredibly nervous to meet your parents. However, his nerves would get the best of him, and he might drink a little too much, rambling on about his adventures. You’d have to translate—perhaps even fib a little—to make sense of his stories. 

Gloin: “There was this dragon, and we had to kill it…” 

You: “He says he works in accounting…” 

Bifur: The first impression might not be great, with the ax in his head possibly scaring them. However, his skill in whittling, a.k.a. giving them gifts, and a potential family member knowing Khuzdul could turn things around.  The gif below is what your family will look like when they see the ax lol

Bofur: I know I always associate songs with Bofur, but it fits him so well, lol! Singing is how he won you over, so he wants to win the family over too. He would make sure to sing all the favorites and would ask for requests! I think by the end of the night the entire family would be singing! 

Bombur: Bombur would impress your family with his cooking. Once they learned he enjoyed cooking, they’d bond over shared recipes and favorite ingredient. He’d quickly become a favorite, often asked to help cook during holidays and special occasions.

Ori: Ori would be extremely nervous meeting your family, so much so that Dori and Nori might join to support him. They’d embarrass him, but it would lighten the mood. Your parents would find his family amusing and see Ori as a decent guy. By the end of the night, they’d give him a hug, and he’d be thrilled, talking about it for weeks.

Dori: The ideal boyfriend to introduce to your parents. Dependable, respectful, and family-oriented, he’d make a great impression. He’d also be impressed with your translating skills. Additionally, seeing that you were working overtime translating, he would go out of his way to help you. “Oh honey, do you need more food?" "Here I can show your grandmother to the bathroom." "Would you like extra wine, dear?”

Nori: You and Nori were new in your relationship and not ready for him to meet your family officially. However, they’d catch glimpses of him bringing you home after dates. They would think he was a "bad boy" and become suspicious. They would often ask, “What’s his job again?” because it changed so much. He’d win them over by bringing thoughtful “gifts” (definitely not stolen lol) after every date, and they'd start to appreciate his efforts.

Thorin: Thorin’s reputation would precede him, with your parents knowing about the adventure and his temporary gold/dragon sickness. They’d be skeptical, and the initial meeting would involve many questions. You’d have to translate everything, making Thorin increasingly nervous. A few of Thorin’s answers were: “No, I am not sick...yes, I go outside ... Madam, I can assure you, I shower." Despite the awkward start, they’d warm up to him, seeing his genuine intentions. He’d often host dinners and family events to show his commitment and might give you a promise ring to signify his dedication.

Kíli: Bless his heart for meaning well, but oh boy, is he a big himbo. Kili would think he was making a great first impression, but I feel like he would be making a fool of himself. First he would try to kiss your mother's hand, and it would be misinterpreted as flirting. Second, he would try impressing them with his skills, only to trip and fall. Finally, he would think your younger siblings were helping him learn the language, but they would end up teaching him dirty words. So when he gives a big speech and happens to use those words..well, let's just say you would need to do damage control. I think after a while it would become a family joke, and everyone would fondly remember his attempts to make a good first impression. I would like to imagine it’s an April and Andy situation lol 😂😂

Fíli: There must be something with the Durin boys..cause they are hot but dumb. Okay, so Fili would be super excited to meet your family; he would talk for days about how he was "preparing” and “had a surprise." Every time you ask him what that means, he will just give you a wink and say, “You’ll be so proud, babe." However, his attempts to impress might result in miscommunication. On the day of meeting your parents, he tries saying something in their native language and would slip up and pronounce something completely wrong. I imagine it’s kind of like papá and papas in Spanish—dad and potatoes. He would’ve revealed to you that he had asked Ballin and Nori for help on the language and just got horrible advice. Despite initial giggles and laughter at his mistakes, your family would appreciate his effort. 

Bilbo: Bilbo would meticulously plan a party to meet your family, aiming to overcome any awkwardness with a grand feast and festivities. He’d insist on handling everything himself, wanting to be the perfect host. Once they arrived, he’d go all out, showing them around, serving them the best food and pipe weed, and even arranging for fireworks. “What can I say? Us hobbits love a good party,” he would say, putting his arm around you and squeezing!

Gandalf: Your family would be so confused! It would be like the gif below when Bilbo first talked to Gandalf. Pure shock and suspicion. I also think Gandalf would speak in riddles and confuse everyone!

[imvietnamesenotchinese]

lacy: nyx is jealous of luna, mainly because of her beauty. she secretly compares herself to luna and feels insecure every time she’s around her. despite this, she still admires luna. she thinks that luna’s so pretty and so perfect. in a nutshell, nyx loathes and loves luna at the same time. she hates her, but at the same time wishes she could be her. she’s disgusted with herself over these conflicted emotions. does she want to be her, or does she want to be *with* her?

heather: luna takes the role of heather in this song. nyx is jealous of the attention that luna gets from other guys (and girls). it pisses her off. she knows that she has no good reason to hate luna. after all, luna is so kind and pure-hearted. but she can’t help it. she hates her and wants her to be gone. the song switches back and forth between insulting heather and complimenting her. it fits nyx’s tumultuous mind. 

gold rush: at this point, nyx realizes that the jealousy she experiences isn’t solely because of luna’s beauty. she definitely has a small crush on her, and it bothers her a lot when other people try to hit on luna. she keeps fantasizing about luna, but at the same time tries to suppress her feelings. 

you are the moon: after they get to know each other, nyx learns that luna is actually insecure of her looks. nyx desperately tries to make her friend see things from her perspective. the truth is, nyx thinks she’s as beautiful as the moon. luna doesn’t get it, though. she sees herself as undesirable and broken. nyx can actually relate to that, as she often has thoughts of being not enough. she’s a stubborn girl, though. so at any moment she gets, she reminds luna of her self-worth.

my love mine all mine: nyx just genuinely loves luna and wants the best for her at this point. luna showed her that she could actually love and be loved. she’s never felt anything like this before. had luna asked for it, nyx would’ve given her the stars and the moon.

birds of a feather: once again, she just cares so deeply about luna. nyx is hesitant to open up to people and let them inside her heart. she’s not used to being so vulnerable. it makes her really emotional, and oftentimes she doesn’t understand why. nyx thinks they’re kind of like each other, in a way. they’re both really insecure about themselves. and as for the lyrics i picked out well :) luna is going to die soon so. they literally might not be with each other for long oops. 

ocean eyes: this is about luna’s eyes. nyx could get lost in them <3 it also touches on her fear of falling in love and being vulnerable. but for luna, though, she almost feels like she could just let herself fall. keyword is almost. she’s done great progress, but she’s still scared to dive into the deep end.

say yes to heaven: at this point, nyx is crushing so hard on luna. she’s manifesting and praying and hoping that luna feels the same way. she just wants luna to say yes to her. nyx is so terrified of rejection. what if she opens up, and luna shuts her down? then what? she’ll jump off a building.

this side of paradise: i picked this song because the lyrics relate to nyx’s fear of falling in love and opening herself up to someone else. she’s nervous, she’s scared, she doesn’t want to mess this up. of course, she’d never tell luna that. it’s too embarrassing, and she’d rather die than be 100% honest. ultimately it’s about how unused she is to having such strong emotions, and how much she cares for luna. she has never cared for someone this much before in her life.

you stupid bitch: a very strong title, yeah. but the song is essentially about someone who’s frustrated that their crush doesn’t realize that they belong together. nyx has a fiery temper, and she’s slowly losing her cool the more this drags on. she’s getting more and more impatient and frustrated. they’re at a dead end. nyx is too scared to make the first move, and so is luna. the former wants to shake her friend and just yell at her to kiss her!!

jenny: self-explanatory. nyx has a big fat crush on luna, but doesn’t want to mess up their friendship.

make you mine: title is self-explanatory. nyx wants to make luna hers. she's getting desperate though. the butterflies in her stomach are making her sick

i wanna be your girlfriend: self-explanatory. gay ass bitches

boyfriend: she’s so down bad for luna it’s not even funny anymore

picture you: oh we’re in the horny section of nyx’s playlist now. no comment. read the lyrics 

all the things she said: first of all this is an og lesbian anthem. secondly, luna is on nyx’s mind all the time. 

do i wanna know: again, nyx has a crush on luna, but she’s scared to find out if luna feels the same way. does she REALLY want to know how luna feels? 

i wanna be yours: down bad thoughts once again

505: nyx would drop everything and run to luna at any moment’s notice

sweater weather: gay ass bitch

false god: nyx lowkey worships luna like a god. this song is about oral sex. next

mastermind: you know how she schemes and plans surprise birthday parties? well, it doesn't end there. after being fed up of the whole ‘’will they, won’t they’’-thing, she takes matters into her own hands. nyx starts scheming to end up in romantic situations with luna. like oh no bestie, my apartment burnt down and i need to sleep over at your place :( yeah sorry for the inconvenience. lying ass. pretty sure luna might catch on. like nyx can you not be so desperate?? 

the louvre: your honor they're in love!! nyx’s love is searing and fluorescent. it brands you. when she loves you, she loves you. and when she hates you, she hates you. she’s a polarizing figure. it’s either one or the other for her. 

as the world caves in: like i said, when she loves someone, then she LOVES them. it’s super difficult to get nyx to open up, but once you manage to crawl inside her heart, she will not let you go. maybe to an unhealthy degree? she gets clingy. she’s a ride or die. if the ships sinks, she will sink with it.

me and my husband: i already hinted at this previously, but she’s codependent!! nyx’s emotional well-being starts depending on luna, and she gets unhealthily attached to her. what was once an innocent puppy crush kind of turns into an obsession for her. nyx is incredibly selfish, though. she just wants luna to herself (hence her earlier jealousy in the previous songs). 

dark red: luna is her one and only. nyx has been hurt before, and is therefore really scared of being abandoned. this also ties in with her intimacy issues. she’s still insecure, and often wonders about if luna wants to leave her. it affects her so bad that it can literally ruin her day. 

line without a hook: insecurity about not being enough for luna. also her being exasperated at luna being so self-destructively selfless. a part of it stems from her jealousy of luna putting other people before her, and another part of it stems from the fact nyx is selfish in nature. being a people-pleaser confuses her. she wants luna to stay with her. why would she even bother trying to help others?

mr. loverman: doomed yuri guys. luna dies. nyx is grieving. she’s shattered. might as well kill herself or something

tongues and teeth: toxic yuri. nyx can be very insecure, and this song touches upon her mean attitude. i also think this lunyx dynamic is just toxic, and they’re destroying each other. this song is also about nyx’s tendency to self-sabotage. she thinks she’s a horrible being who doesn’t deserve to be loved or love others. she’s convinced that she’ll ruin the people she cares about.

supercut: missing luna hours. either after she dies, and nyx reminiscences about their time together. or they had a fight, and nyx’s toxicness ruined the relationship. she goes back and replays the memories in her head, thinking of all the different things she could’ve done to save the relationship, or to save luna.

cardigan: lowk this song is about them getting back together even after they’ve hurt each other so many times. after a fight, nyx has a feeling (and a prayer) that luna will come back to her.

two birds: nyx’s empty promises and lies ruining the relationship, or luna’s life coming to an end. Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.

colors: nyx’s thoughts about luna being a chronic people pleaser and putting others before herself. she knows that luna isn’t exactly… happy? luna always has a twinge of sadness to her. also a lyric that references luna’s death. she won’t make it ‘til the day she’s 28 years old lmao.

lost kitten: doomed yuri. luna will never be nyx’s, and nyx will never be luna’s. that’s just how their story ends.

down bad: after experiencing such intense emotions, nyx doesn’t know what to do when luna finally leaves her. she’s so mad and upset. angry at herself, angry at the world, angry at luna for not letting her have her. it doesn’t matter how luna left, either by breaking up or by dying, nyx will forever be bitter that she lost another love.

about you: nyx reminiscing about old memories from the relationship after it’s over. she misses luna, and still thinks about how things could’ve gone different. she thinks of the endings they could’ve had. marriage, perhaps? a penthouse in the city, or maybe a coastal cabin? guess they’ll never know.

dark paradise: her mourning luna. she doesn’t know how to move on. 

maroon: doomed yuri. song starts off with the wholesome beginning of a relationship. it ends in the breakdown of said wholesome relationship. i imagine it’s the way lunyx ended. in misery and flames. 

the archer: nyx trying to hold on to the relationship. she can feel luna inevitably slip away.

are you bored yet: nyx wondering if luna is bored of her.

sofia: trying so hard to make it work, and convince herself that it’ll work. it won’t.

i really want to stay at your house: post-break up/post-death of luna. nyx yearning and missing her gf. she doesn't want to let go yet. she wants to be with luna. even though the love is eating her alive.

[accio-victuuri]

Xiao Zhan Marie Claire Cover story | Rules & Inches

When I say the word "future",

The first syllable is in the past.

When I say the word "silence",

I've broken it.

When I say the word "nothing",

I have created something that nothingness itself can grasp.

——Vislava Szymborska, "The Three Strangest Words"

Xiao Zhan held up a handheld fan to dry the sweat from the filming. When the photographer signaled the start, he stepped forward, stepped back, walked again, and continued to retreat. The props on his back are like airplanes, and his eyes are constantly searching for the camera, and he is like a naughty child exploring an unknown world. Every time I go back and forth, I am thinking about the more refined possibilities between advancement and retreat.

It’s hard not to notice Xiao Zhan’s sense of proportion. When being interviewed, he has a catchphrase: "Can you say this?" Or, as if to confirm himself, "You can say it like this." He also reflects on himself all the time. For example, I repeatedly remind myself not to let my performance become inertia. Once I get used to it, it will develop into terrible inertia. For example, he often emphasizes that he doesn't like to make mysteries, and he may not understand many truths. What he shares is only his sincere daily feelings. For another example, when he heard a crew member commenting on his "striving for excellence", he responded that he had not yet reached "refinement" and only wanted to "benefit".

Xiao Zhan spoke slowly and eloquently. He did not have a thunderous and fiery personality. He chatted calmly and had the ancient style of a benevolent gentleman. He's not tight at all. They chatted all over the world, and when they got to the point where they were enjoying themselves, they naturally leaned back on the chair and gently held their right legs with both hands. The content of the chat ranged from the unchanging emotions contained in the golden songs of the times to AI, the views on human beings, as well as his own performances and life experiences.

In 2023, three TV series starring Xiao Zhan will be broadcast one after another. He played the colorful father, the lonely and cold eldest son, and the newcomer who struggled in the workplace. Every time he enters a crew, he will dream about real scenes and real pressure related to filming. After the dream is over, he sinks himself into the heart of the character and performs it, leaving vivid memories and feelings.

There is a ruler in the heart and a square inch outside the body. What's appropriate is Xiao Zhan's inner view, his precise view of work, life and himself. A few inches away is Xiao Zhan's external perspective, his perceptual understanding of the past, time, space and the world. Between the length and the shortness of a ruler, heaven and earth appear.

======

Three TV series have been aired and new dramas are being filmed. For actor Xiao Zhan, 2023 is a fruitful year.

Occasionally, when he looks back on his career as an actor, Xiao Zhan will be in a daze for a moment. In the blink of an eye, it seems that he has been there for a long time. Almost every time he shoots a movie, he has a routine: dreaming. I dreamed about memorizing lines, dreaming about acting against a director, or even dreaming about taking a math test, but couldn’t solve any of the questions on the paper, and then I woke up with a start.

Xiao Zhan felt that this was caused by pressure, and he accepted it calmly. Perhaps there is another reason. Deep down in his heart, he does not regard himself as a qualified actor, but always puts himself in the position of a newcomer, with an attitude of learning and exploration. Therefore, every time he goes to a crew, he has the experience of starting all over again.

Xiao Zhan is very wary of inertia. Sometimes he also advises himself not to be under so much pressure, not to get into trouble, and to try to be more relaxed. But once he realizes that he starts to rely on performance models, experiences and habits, he will remind himself that taking things for granted is dangerous. After a long time of inertia, inertia will occur, and inertia will lead to "taken for granted". Therefore, every time he interprets a role, he always has to gain some freshness.

Xiao Chunsheng in "Where Dreams Begin" is a character full of freshness. Because there are extremely obvious differences between him and Xiao Zhan himself. Xiao Chunsheng is a young man in Beijing in the 1970s, which is completely different from the era and environment in which Xiao Zhan grew up.

Military coats, "28 big bar" bicycles, the ice surface of Shichahai, and the transformation from a young boy to a middle-aged entrepreneur are not familiar to Xiao Zhan. To this day, Xiao Zhan can still see "traces" of Xiao Chunsheng: when it comes to the character Chen Hongjun in the play, he always says "Hong Jun'er". Those were the Beijing movies and Er Huayin that I practiced when filming started. "Ouch" and "Ouch" were all words on Xiao Zhan's lips.

The language, objects and sense of time are all okay. For Xiao Zhan, the biggest difference from Xiao Chunsheng is his personality. He is an "I person" who enjoys being alone, while Xiao Chunsheng is the complete opposite. He makes many friends and loves to socialize too much. Measured by today's standards, this extreme warm-heartedness often means a lack of a sense of boundaries. "The times are developing faster and faster. Today's young people are living a fast-paced life and will not easily cross the boundaries of getting along." Xiao Zhan commented, "But Xiao Chunsheng is an extremely meddlesome person, so it is easy to offend Someone else." When he read the script, he was quite intimidated by this role and felt that it would be difficult to act like it. But after hesitating for a long time, a thought suddenly caught his attention: Maybe the qualities we care about today contain exactly what we need.

Fresh, this is Xiao Zhan’s summary of Xiao Chunsheng and his contemporaries. "If you hate them, you hate them. If you like them, you like them. Don't you think the colors of each of them are particularly bright?" he asked. Even now, when thinking back to some scenes in "The Sea in Dreams", he still feels that the characters are shining brightly and vividly.

After playing Xiao Chunsheng, a person who is far away from current values, Xiao Zhan also gained something in terms of mentality: don't be afraid of making mistakes. He said: "A truly lovable character will have imperfections." During the filming, he once asked the director if it was particularly annoying for Xiao Chunsheng to worry so much about others. The director told him that it was precisely because of this "annoyance" that he was Xiao Chunsheng, and "annoyance" was his charm.

The director's words suddenly awakened Xiao Zhan. Sometimes he would fall into a strange circle, hoping to avoid and correct the imperfections of the character. "When you change it like this, the character itself loses its charm." Xiao Zhan said, "So I think you should not be afraid when doing homework for the character. Be enthusiastic when you should be enthusiastic, and cross the boundary when you should. If you always consider the character's The shortcoming is, thinking about what will happen if the audience scolds me, it will be difficult to act." Because actors play roles, not personalities.

Not being afraid of flaws, to some extent, also means the courage and ability to seek truth. "Sunshine by my Side" is Xiao Zhan's first appearance in an urban workplace drama. His reason for taking on this drama is simple: modern dramas are too close to reality and everyone is living it, so it is difficult to perform it to make everyone believe it. Because he was unsure and confident, he firmly believed that he would learn something after "gnawing" it down. Thus, the character Sheng Yang came into being.

"Sunshine by my Side" made Xiao Zhan realize that urban dramas rely heavily on the cooperation between actors. Because it is more life-like, every point will not be stuck, and the lines and performances will be slightly adjusted. "We are all living people, and we do not exist to maintain a persona. What everyone does, says, and expresses emotions are natural, reasonable, and flowing. If you change, my performance will also change. It will change accordingly." Xiao Zhan said that this kind of creative coupling eliminates the possibility of actors being rigid and mechanical, so it is a fresh and fun experience.

Sheng Yang is a designer, which happens to be the job that Xiao Zhan has done. With personal experience, flexibility during performance can be guaranteed. "When Shengyang wanted to draw the design drawings, I would actually draw them there. Sometimes I would tell them, art teacher, your layers seem to be locked and I can't move." Xiao Zhan recalled, " Because it's his own life, he's better at it. Can you say that? Okay." He never forgets his sense of proportion when it comes to his true feelings.

Xiao Zhan is no stranger to TV series with fantasy themes. "Yuguyao" is the most recent example. For him, acting in a play with such an imaginary background requires a process of starting from scratch. Facing a green screen, if you want to imagine extreme weather or breathtaking scenery, you need to create it yourself. As for whether the state is real and whether the emotion is subtle, more often than not, one has to trust the evaluation made by the director behind the monitor.

Whether it is a costume drama or a modern drama, Xiao Zhan always has a clear understanding of the script and characters. "There are always few good things at any time, which is why people always say that they are rare." He recalled his observations over the years, "Some scripts may be considered good by the industry, but the market feedback may not be so good. Everyone What is the definition of good? Is it good sales or good word-of-mouth? It's hard to judge." Therefore, what he can do now is to return to his own understanding and feelings and choose what he thinks is the best. Role. As for what role he most wants to play, Xiao Zhan said: "I have been mentioning it for many years, a cute and charming villain, if I get the chance."

=======

When reading the script of "Where Dreams Begin", Xiao Zhan's mind would be filled with photos of his parents when they were young.

Dad is riding a bicycle, and mom is sitting in the back seat, wearing a red skirt and a white shirt. When passing a big rock, my father took a photo of my mother as a souvenir. She smiles brightly in the camera, looking like a bright girl. When it was his turn to play the role of his parents in their youth, he tried his best to restore the freshness and even madness of youth. He did not want to deliberately portray the story in a rigid and serious direction just because it was a story about his father's generation.

Xiao Zhan seems to have a special sense of time. He is nostalgic. Whether singing in variety shows and evening parties, or listening to them in private, he always has a preference for old songs. They are memorable, rich in meaning, and give him space to think.

When he was a child, he didn't have much pocket money, so Xiao Zhan would go to the video store to rent CDs, or exchange CDs and tapes with his classmates. The prices can still be clearly remembered to this day. To this day, he still has the CD player and Walkman he used back then in his home. Sometimes, he returns to wired headphones because they are convenient and easy to find. In the dead of night, he would occasionally think of objects that were gradually disappearing in the torrent of time. Being alone, with his heart flowing, is his comfortable state.

Xiao Zhan said that he is a very homely person and has to stay at home. During his spare time, he just works out and watches movies. He never regards watching movies as a task. He watches everything regardless of genre, whether it is popular movies such as popcorn movies or niche movies such as art films. Recently, he watched "The Fall", the best film at the 2023 Cannes International Film Festival.

Around New Year, he often revisits "Love Actually" and watches it again every two or three years. The reason is also very straightforward. The family, love, and friendship in the movie all convey truth, goodness and beauty, which makes people feel heart-warming when watching them.

"Don't you think that the emotions between people have never changed? Old movies will always be read and watched, and old songs will always be listened to over and over again, because the emotions sung by truly classic works remain unchanged through the ages. Only sincerity can move people." Xiao Zhan seemed to have a sudden inspiration and compared it with AI, "I think AI cannot replace humans. Maybe its technology can one day surpass the limits of humans, but that kind of complex emotions , humans far surpass computers. It can be said that humans are the most accurate, mysterious, and complex supercomputers."

Xiao Zhan will pay attention to AI, just like he pays attention to all new things in the world that are deeply related to people. He watched the news and read things written by AI. The depth of thought and logic of thinking made him incredible. Perhaps, in some job competitions, the threat of AI to human beings is already close at hand, but he still firmly believes that AI cannot replace face-to-face communication between people, whether it is immediacy or complexity.

When these distant concerns about new things are temporarily put aside, Xiao Zhan also has his own expectations for the world.

When filming "Ace Troops" a few years ago, in order to play a soldier who was concerned with the national image, Xiao Zhan observed and trained in the army for more than a week. He got up at five or six in the morning every day and ate and lived with the soldiers. After performing this play, he felt the cruelty of war and understood the hard-won peace. "I cherish my current life more. This is the truth." Xiao Zhan said. Therefore, the current vision of world peace may also be related to infinite distances and countless people.

As for his expectations for himself, he outlined it more simply: "I have done very well in 2023, and I hope I can maintain it." After thinking for a while, he added: "In 2024, I hope to love myself more and care more. Some of my own feelings and thoughts. This sentence is not only for myself, but also for everyone."

In Xiao Zhan's mind, he is different on screen and in real life. In private, he will not modify himself too much, nor will he dress too brightly. He just wants to be natural and true to himself.

"Just like the current chat, just keep it in this comfortable state. I won't change my face and play another person." Xiao Zhan said, "It's too tiring. Too tiring." He repeated twice all over.

A poet wrote, "My heart is slightly larger than the entire universe." Outside Xiao Zhan's small space, there is the restraint of "strategy" and the vastness of "universe".

LINK TO THE ARTICLE

[manjuhitorie]

Interview with Shinoda(Hitorie) - Ongaku to Hito July 2024 Issue - English Translation

Pain, Never to Go Away

Interview by Usami Yasuyo

2024 has brought Hitorie’s 10th year anniversary with it, along with the 5 year milestone of their current regime. The pillar of the band, wowaka, passed away in 2019, leaving the grieving trio to reform the band. Their newest single, “On the Frontline/Senseless Wonder[ReRec]”, features a modern iteration of a song previously written by wowaka, on top of one song written by each member, Yumao (drums), ygarshy (bass) and Shinoda (vocals/guitar) respectively. They are by no means going against the current structure of their band, they are rather stalwart souls in regards to ensuring that nobody forgets Hitorie’s origins. That they want to remain as four forever more—That’s the exact kind of emotions poured into their new numbers. I sat down with Shinoda to talk about his current perspective come Hitorie’s milestones, thus did he reveal details about his past trauma and his low self-esteem. Afflicted with a pain that fails to ever go away, they press on. What is it like to be in his shoes?

So, Hitorie is now 10 years old… how does that feel, what’s your verdict on the matter?

Shinoda: If it’s been 10 years since our studio debut then that marks year 5 of Hitorie’s metamorphosis. Did leader really leave us 5 years ago? Then that means… have I really been singing for 5 whole years? My mind is swirling. Along the way there was also was a 2-3 year period wherein we couldn’t operate as good old rockers due to the pandemic either so, to be honest it doesn’t feel as if 10 years have passed at all. It all just feels so complicated, and strange.

Do you mean that in regards to becoming the frontman as well?

Yeah. Since about a year ago we’ve been graciously given a fair amount of opportunities to perform in festivals and joint concerts. Thanks to them I’ve been able to watch a bunch of shows and analyse a variety of different frontmen, and you could say that slowly but surely the realization finally hit me: that “Hey, I also stand right up there too.” Up until that point I could never really get the reality that I stand center stage through my head.

You seem so ready to be the focus of attention though, I sense no hesitation in your shows and music.

Of course I’m prepared to do what needs to be done, but on the flip side for a long time I had this itch in the back of my mind that maybe I was somehow only convincing myself and pretending that I was the frontman all along. Like just telling myself “Yeah, you’re the totally the frontman, sure buddy.” I was trying to galvanize myself in a way too though, offering myself words of encouragement. Words strong enough to make me believe “Yeah, I can keep this up.” Nowadays we’re putting on heaps and heaps of shows, but the more we do it the more my weaknesses, or rather my shortcomings, become evident. Of course I’m also improving more and more with every show as well but, there’s still so much more I could be doing better.

When do you specifically feel your weaknesses and shortcomings become evident?

It all boils down to my skill level as a singer, plain and simple. The problem is that I feel I’m still a weak vocalist. I’m constantly comparing myself to people who are way cooler than me as well. Such as Maki-kun from Vanillas (Maki Tatsuya from go! go! vanillas), I just think he’s so cool whenever I see him, and I can’t help but worry how I pale in comparison.

I think there’s no reason to compare yourselves, you and Maki as counterparts both possess things each other don’t.

Hmm, I’m not so sure about that. Or maybe it’s just the way I am. My self-worth is inherently in the pits. As soon as someone or something cool catches my attention, I can’t help but immediately start comparing them to myself. A short while ago I saw the band “Mo’Some Tonebender” in Arabaki, and they were of exceptional nature, their coolness was off the charts. It made me cast doubts on myself like “I wonder if I’ll able to put on an act of their caliber when I’m that age too.” Or when it comes to the younger crowd, such as Akiyama Kiiro, when I saw his concert I thought “Wow he’s incredible, I don’t think I was nearly so capable back when I was that age.” My brain always makes it all about me and jumps straight to the negative. Yet nevertheless at the same time I do also sometimes catch myself wondering “Is there even anyone else fit to be Hitorie’s frontman?” For, it’s partly because I’m the type who suffers from anxiety that I’m able to make music. So, provided that I’m in a band, it’s practically a given for me to live hand in hand with anxieties.

On the same note as anxieties, you once before said that you feel you don’t have a clear-cut, singular core essence to yourself. Is this still the case?

Hmm, I think I’ve since changed a little bit. Last year we made an album titled “PHARMACY”, and for the promo tour we fashioned merchandise. Among them I had designed this cat plush, all just for kicks, yet somehow it took off. It started selling like hotcakes. This strange incident made something click for me (laughs). The plush has since been dubbed “Pharmacy Cat” as well. So after I heard that it was flying off the shelves, I had a revelation: now I know that I’m at the very least someone capable of selling cat plushies.

It raised your self esteem (laughs). I’m in awe that it wasn’t a song or a concert that was the catalyst, but rather a plush doll.

Yeah (laughs). Whenever I see that plush, it patches up the deficits in my heart. For I used to have nothing that stood out as “me” before.

I never got that impression though. When I read the lyrics of your song “On the Frontline”, specifically the lyrics “Get even stronger, I heard a voice say/Stuck in a world with no concept of right or wrong/My one and only heart/I give it whole to the things I want to protect”, they remind me of the exact way you, Shinoda, seem to throw yourself into the fray for the people you care about.

Excuse me, me?

Yes. That could be the reason why you were plagued with such stress 5 years ago, and why you had felt so pressured to take up the mantle to save the band. The song may have been written to be the opening song for the anime “Mushoku Tensei” but the lyrics really do feel like Shinoda manifest.

Those specific lines you mentioned, those had just popped out onto my paper thoughtlessly, earnestly, and with 0 stress involved. Maybe I actually am the kind of guy you mentioned, but, deep down part of me still feels like me being the frontman of Hitorie is just imprudent. I’ll forever be weighed down by the question of whether or not it’s okay for someone like me to receive as much charity as I do.

What exactly are you referring to by “charity”?

Being allowed to exist amongst the big names of the music industry, or sometimes being adored by my juniors, and things like that. “Should this really be happening to someone like me?” I often think. The more it keeps happening and happening, the more I want to meet their expectations; the more I’m flooded with the feeling I need to give something back. So maybe if you unravel it all far enough, the fact that I care too much for people might be at the root of it all.

What do you believe is the reason your self-value is so low?

Back in my 20s, before I joined Hitorie, I was doing music in Nagoya…

You were the vocalist for an indie band, correct?

Yes. In the end it all molded me into who I am today but, back then my music wasn’t received very well, and I felt I wasn’t loved nor needed by anyone.

I can tell you’re not the type to stay optimistic and bide your time in hopes that someone will fancy your songs one day.

Hmm. Back then I was not. I’m not a very wise person, and I wasn’t especially in a situation wherein I could take a step back and view things from a bigger perspective, I was kind of driven into a corner. So nowadays when people tell me that they’re fans of my old songs, such as Akiyama Kiiro, it makes me feel like “Wow, so everything does come back around and does serve a purpose, there was meaning to it after all.” It’s just the time investment required to finally get to this step is a lengthy one, that’s for sure.

The results aren’t immediate.

Exactly, exactly.

So after working with Hitorie, your self-esteem issues began to ease up?

Yeah, they totally did. Previously when Hitorie was a quad piece I stood on the stage as the lead guitarist, but prior to that I was composing all my songs and lyrics by myself on top of singing them all by myself in Nagoya. I was on the verge of my breaking point, at that point I couldn’t stand music that laid myself bare anymore. Until, upon joining this crazy band named “Hitorie” and becoming their guitarist, a large margin of my anxieties eased up. I was finally able to break away from 100 capacity venues, and somehow along the way turned into a rocker allowed on to bigger stages.

You have since returned to making songs that lay yourself bare, and singing them yourself as well. How does that make you feel?

Part of me thinks as if this is my karma, at the end of the day I can’t escape it. However, to be honest, my desire to sing and write songs never fully diminished even back when Hitorie was still complete, and deep down I had always hoped I would be able to do so. The only problem is the shape and form in which my desire came to a reality.

It truly does seem to be something you just can’t run away from.

Is this that thing people call fate? It circles around in the most twisted of ways. Life really is heavier than I ever could’ve imagined, when I think about.

You wrote a song for your newest single as well, and I would like to hear about your insights on it but, first before that there’s one point of interest I would like to touch upon. There’s 4 songs on the single, each written by all 4 members of Hitorie, including wowaka. Was this on purpose?

Yes. We came up with this idea in the early stages. We didn’t want to release just any old single, we wanted to take the medium called the CD and turn it into something with more oomph, more flair. Thus came the discussion of how to achieve this feat, and what you see today is the solution we conjured up. If we’re going to bring something into this world, then it needs to have a good reason and purpose. Which tied into how it’d be a problem if people forgot everything the four of us did together.

I see. The song you composed is named “Sakura no Itsuka”, and the lyrics speak candidly on your feelings about wowaka.

After we decided on our vision for the CD, the only one who didn’t have a song ready was me. I do have a stash of WIP songs which I could’ve pulled from but I instead opted to create a track from scratch. One which would represent the “resolution” part of the dramatic structure, with each of the 4 tracks respectively representing the beginning, development, climax, and resolution. For I thought it would be an effective means to strengthen the CD’s power and purpose, as I mentioned before, and to give it good justification for existing amongst our discography. I’ve written quite a few songs that tackle my feelings over losing wowaka now, that delve into means for us to cope and move on. Starting with curved edge…

That would be the first song Hitorie released as a trio.

Yes. But, unlike that single, this one has a 4 songs each written by all 4 of us so… I’m not sure the right way to articulate this but like, I felt that I couldn’t let the closing track on such a structured single just be run of the mill. I contemplated long and hard as to what exactly would be appropriate. After all that though, in the end I don’t think the song I wrote would appeal much to a special somebody (laughs).

Hahaha. What caused you to assume that?

I dunno, just a sixth sense (laughs). I just have a hunch that he wouldn’t care for the song very much. That he wouldn’t especially want to be written about nor seen in this light. For at the end of the day it’s nothing but an unelaborate ballad, to put it bluntly.

The lyrics are straightforward as well. “Yet again, a song you would probably hate/Keeps polluting the city/And yet a song you would probably love is something that we just can’t write/Something we could never write” gets to the heart of the matter, and from but a glance it’s obvious that the “you” in the lyrics must be referring to wowaka.

If he himself could hear the lyrics, I could just imagine him saying “Shinoda what happened to your alternative rock soul?” or “This isn’t like you at all?” (Laughs). “But, I can explain, everything’s been translated into the J-rock band format!” I would say back. I even refrained from overdubbing the guitar as much as possible too (laughs)! Yet the fact of the matter is that I up and used the man named wowaka as my muse. I’m worried, burdened by the fact that I’m practically expending his existence- and his absence both.

I wonder if anyone out there feels the same way though. From a third person perspective, as someone who has watched you become a wonderful frontman over the past 5 years and listened to the music you’ve created along the journey, I find it difficult to believe you’re “expending” his name, or to see it in that such cynical light.

I think there definitely are indeed people out there who think that way. To each his own, different strokes for different folks y’know. So l understand if people come to resent me over the song, so be it, I totally get it, it’s bound to happen. Yet nevertheless my wish to bring this song into the world and have it be heard no matter what won over all my concerns. What’s most important to me is for people to never forget that Hitorie was once the four of us.

[remembertheplunge]

We cannot unsee what we have already seen--the 1980's

April 28, 1988

It’s now a Thursday—

Some post scripts from somewhere in the “last” night and from yesterday by Judge David Vander Wall “The 1970’s don’t seem that long ago. The 80’s are just passing me by…” DA Mike  Stone replied “The 70’s weren’t worth anything anyway.”

I watched last evening “a A Walk Through the 20th Century with Bill Moyer. The 1920’s" :

Flappers and fun flanked by Fraud and Famine. Poo Poe Pee Do! The truth was that the poor (in the 20’s) didn’t realize they were poor until long after they weren’t!. They had a general feel of contentment despite their financial situation.

What about us in the 1980's? In the KPFA Radio Folio program guide,Life in 1968 is compared with life in 1988. The 80’s were condemned as the 1950’s relived. 1988 Yuppies are the men in charcoal grey suits. Ahhhh! But, what bridged the years is the depth of awareness setting in. We cannot unsee what has been seen. We close only to heal and tp grow internally. The individual reform we know is the only true change. Only true “life” takes place on an individual basis. More and more we learn "..oh..when I had the Mercedes and miserable marriage I was poor. Now, I am…,Me!" 

To me, 1980 or 1981 were just about like 1988 in terms of styles, attitudes, money, etc. Pretty much the same. Music hasn’t changed much. Nothing has really. And yet, imperceptibly, everything has irrevocably changed, improved. Come a bit more into its own. 

Only you, the future, may be able to give it perspective. What, if anything, do the 80’s mean to you? Don’t forget us. We are a part of your past and thus a part of you.

I offer up this diary entry to you as a revelation of one person- traveler’s time notes written during  his time-space journey.

End of entry

Notes: 9/21/2024

I love the fact taht I included the line “We cannot unsee what has been seen” in the above 1988 entry. 

That has been my fight song passing through these turbulent times where the Republican Right is attempting to cancel our collective progressive progress. They can ban and burn our books and the Supreme Court can strip us of our rights. But. We have seen. We know. We will continue to live our lives and assert our  values despite and because of their orders. We have seen. We will act. We have agency.

I also think that it’s interesting that I said in the above entry that there was not much difference between life in 1980 or 81 and life in 1988. In 1980, I was not yet a. Lawyer, I was way in the closet and Aids was not yet publicly known about. By 1988, HIV  had been  known about for 7 years in which time it decimated many lives. In 1986, I began working as a volunteer helping men with Aids through their illness and death. I had been a lawyer for 7 years by 1988 .I had been emersed in the heavens and hells of criminal law defense. I had married in 1982 a woman who I left in 1984 as I began to emerge as a gay man. By 1988, I was fully out. So, actually I was a much more evolved person in 1988 than I had been in 1980. But, maybe because the evolution took place slowly over  years, I wrote about the decade as if very little had happen.

Judge Van Der Wall was a judge in Modesto California. I spent my 40th birthday in a murder trial in his court. His clerk, Linda, gave me a happy birthday cup cake that birthday morning in court! They have both since died. I just thought Judge Van Der Wall and Mike Stone’s  take on the 70’s and 80’s was interesting. Time was  just passing them by. Have you noticed the no one now in the mid 2020’s ever talks about the 20’s? I mean the 2020’s. We are living it . We can’t see it This now has no name . It just  is. But, I imagine in 20 years, they will be screaming about “The Outrageous 20’s!"

Flappers were the early forerunners of the women’s empowerment movement. They wore shorter dresses than their predecessors had and advanced women’s rights through word and action. 

Bill Moyers was a Public TV host. He did stories on interesting people and events past and present.

Per Oxford Languages Dictionary, a Yuppie was "a young person with a well-paid job and a fashionable lifestyle."

[rems-writing]

Ateez as other r&b songs

Pairing: none

Genre: Fluff

Wordcount: 785 words

Rating: pg-13

Nets: @mirohs-aurora-society @othersideoutlawsnetwork @illusionnet

This is an updated version of an old headcanon I wrote a long time ago. This is Ateez as r&b songs sung by artists that aren't Bryson Tiller.

Hongjoong - Say You Love Me by Kai

We all know how possessive the captain is of Atiny. Literally the lyrics in this song say "Just say you love me tonight. Don't make me jealous tonight." Plus, the instrumental is something that Hongjoong would produce if given the chance. 

Seonghwa - First Life by Kehlani 

I was up late at night, listening to this song. As I played it on a loop, I slowly began to spiral downwards and really brainstorm whose voice in Ateez would fit this song well in terms of flexing vocal tones and the overall softness of the timbre in this track. That’s when it hit me. Seonghwa’s voice would be perfect for this song, especially since the original singer seems to have this song in the key of C minor. I’m basing this off the chords of the instrumental and the fact that in some of her lines, I hear an E flat when she descends notes. I have a feeling that Seonghwa can reach that low. I’ve heard him reach that low before in past Ateez songs. 

Yunho - Truth Be Told by Baekhyun

I originally had another Baekhyun song lined up for Yunho. However, my perspective changed when I heard Deep Dive, the first track off their new album titled Golden Hour part 2. The breathiness Yunho delivered [ESPECIALLY WHEN HE SAID TOXIC] in his verse got the gears clicking in my brain. What if he delivered that same breathiness in this song? The more I think about it as I write this passage for him, I cannot stop thinking about that possibility. Now I want Yunho to cover this song. KQ, please let him do it. 

Yeosang - Open Passionate by Kehlani

Ever since I heard this doberman's deep ass voice in Halazia and Dune, I always wanted him to sort of test his range a bit. This Kehlani track is two songs in one and I feel that he can handle the transition. Plus I can't hear the lyrics "What if you slip up? What if tequila grabs your neck and says, 'Don't bitch up?" without hearing his soft voice entering my ear and hitting my brainwaves.

San - Halfcrazy by Musiq Soulchild

Ever since I heard this song for the first time, I thought to myself “Who in Ateez is the biggest romantic, aside from Yunho since he’s the epitome of boyfriend material?” That’s when I realized… It's San. This man has such a huge heart and he loves his bandmates more than anything, especially Wooyoung. The airiness of his vocals would fit perfectly with this track plus I have a feeling he can probably pull off some ballet shit with this song since it’s meant to be a ballad with an r&b esque feel to it. He can pull off the runs that Soulchild does in the song. San’s voice has its own dynamic and even with the key changes in said runs, the breathiness in San’s voice will help him out so he can nail this song perfectly. 

Mingi - We Need A Resolution by Aaliyah

There's really no context or connection to this. Mingi is my ult. This track is my all time favorite r&b song that isn't made by Bryson Tiller. I guess the only thing I have to say is I can picture Mingi's raspy voice singing the lyrics and doing the ad libs and stuff.

Wooyoung - Die 4 You by DEAN

Like San, Wooyoung loves his bandmates more than anything. However, the way these two boyfriends go about it is different. While San would prefer to stay professional and handle a scandal or conflict in a calm manner, Wooyoung will not hesitate to call you out on your bullshit. I feel like another reason why he and Yeosang are best friends is because they will stick up for each other no matter what. But that's a different story. Anyways, musical aspect. Like San, Wooyoung has an airiness to his vocals yet I feel as though he won't put as much power into it like San will with his cover. Not that there's anything wrong with that of course! I just feel like he'd have fun with this song a lot. I'm unsure if he listens to Dean but if he does, I want him to cover this single soon.

Jongho - Bad News by Kehlani

Contrary to Next to You by Bryson Tiller, Jongho can showcase his powerful vocals in this Kehlani track and even do some insane harmonies. However, due to the soft nature of this otherwise slow jam/ballad, he would definitely have to focus on balance. That way, his high notes can be heard yet still put the listener at ease.